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Good Friday 2012.


“Will you walk into Gethsemane with me? Will you wait a while? It’s very cold tonight and I am so burdened. Will you wait a while? It is lonely here-so desolate a feeling. It feels like all around me is mourning. I am weary. The time has come and I am lonely. Come sit by me. Don’t be afraid. I need your comfort tonight. This moment. I need your comfort. Rest a while-wait with me.

Can you see the blood on my face? It’s failing down like drops of dew. I’m lonely. Rest a while. Wait with me. I have a weight, a burden on me and its so heavy. This is a new feeling for me. What can it be that is so suddenly heavy and dark? Ah yes! Now I know-its sin. Will you wait a while with me? I’m so lonely. Even the night has lost its stars. Father where are you? I’m lonely without you-My father where are you? I can’t see you.

There is a faint light-Ah yes its coming closer-where are you my friend? Will you walk with me? Will you accompany me? Where are my friends? Where are those whom I healed and fed and touched and comforted and loved? Will you run too? Come walk with me, we’ll meet the approaching night together-walk with me-hold my hand and one day I will hold yours too.

Can you stand by me during the hours of torment as I am accused and abused and tormented? As I am denied and spat upon? As I am ingloriously led by a leash, with no one to say a kind word on my behalf? Will you speak for me? Will you speak words of comfort to me?

My thorns hurt so much they are pressing further down and piercing so deep that it feels like my brain is being pierced. They can’t even touch it with their bare hands. that accursed crown and yet they press it harder to inflict more pain, and they feel no compassion for me. How depraved has humanity become to feel no compassion for someone in pain? Will you ease my pain a little? Your compassion and your love will suffice to help me endure. Father I am weary and so lonely. I can’t see you. Your image, your face is blurred.

Can you my little one rest a while with me?

I am mocked and I am scourged and tortured. Father I came for this and I do your will but Father I am in pain-I travail with not even one little one to love me. Wouldst that one of these had an inkling of compassion then it would be worthwhile. I am so lonely. Would you rest a while with me.?

My blood is slowly being drained from my being. I am giving my life’s blood for yours. Will you at least stand and wait a while? Even from a distance wait with me so that I can see a gentle face? Wait a while. You will see that you will not regret it for one day I too will wait for you. I will stand by you and extend my hand in welcome.

Will you walk with me along the road to the top of the mound? It will be very slow and arduous journey for I am very weak now. Step by step we get closer, and I am beginning to fall more often.. The burden is getting heavier and heavier. Will you carry my cross even for a short distance so that I may rest a while? Ah yes! it is a heavy burden my child it is not possible for you to carry it alone-here I will help you. See how easier it is when we share the load. I wouldn’t let you carry it alone, you see if I did let you it would crush you. Too heavy is the weight of the cross, so I will carry the heaviest part for you. Rest a while.

We have reached the summit-walk the rest of the way. Can you bear to come closer to watch while I am stripped of my garments? OH the humiliation! My dearest ones have to endure the humiliation too. OH Father this further ignominy is unbearable. Wait a while stand by me. See this humiliation I also ask you to share. Don’t be afraid I am here. Will you hold my hand one more time before the nails are hammered in? Hold my hand tightly. Give me some comfort-let me feel that all this suffering is not in vain. That someone does love me. That someone will know how great my sacrifice is. Come stand by me. Your presence is enough.

Oh my Father the searing pain as the nails are driven in. OH Father how can they do this to the Son of the most high God? Father how can they do this to you? OH My Father how far they have fallen. No compassion. Little one come closer, look up at me. Let me see your face-don’t cry. I am assured of your love. Yes my Father this sacrifice is appropriate am loved at least by some and because of them it is worth all the pain humanity can inflict.

MY Father!! It’s getting dark. All is a blur. I can’t see. My eyes are dimming. I can’t even see the faces of those who love me. Father….. Have you gone too? No , that cannot be. You would not abandon me. But Father there is a darkness that surrounds me. There is shield and I cannot see your light anymore. Father where are you I feel a loathsome burden. How much longer Father will this earth’s sins cover me? Father…if only they knew the barrier that sin erects. Father every sin conceivable has been poured onto me and now it is so dark I can’t see the light of my father’s love.

Father my spirit is trapped like a diamond in the heart of the mountain of charcoal. If it hidden and darkness cannot allow your light to pierce through. Father…I know your eyes are too pure to gaze upon iniquity, but father I cannot bear it much longer. Help me Father because I am ready to come back to you. INTO YOUR HANDS FATHER I COMMIT MY SPIRIT for now I have finished the work you entrusted to me. Father I come to you. Wait a while little one, wait a while and you will be with us too.

Anne Lastman

Anne is a qualified post abortion grief counsellor and sexual abuse counsellor who has worked in this area for nearly 30 years. Over the years Anne has developed a recovery strategy, which works well for those who persevere with the programme. Anne continues to study post abortion grief and the related, sexual abuse grief, which manifest with similar symptoms.

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